The ideals of love, passion, and family life influence everything I do as a female with various roles and responsibilities to fulfill everyday. Gravity is the force that encourages me to dream while keeping me rooted to reality and to things that are important. Inevitably things and dreams do fall and land on surfaces, at times, gently, other times, violently. Thus, dribs and drabs form, providing an interesting landscape and telling endless stories of love, passion, and family.
In our household, there is currently only one registered voter, and of course, it can only be an adult member. Guess who? Anyway, Audrey had no doubt in her mind that the vote should be cast for Obama. Melanie seemed indifferent, but when they had a mock election held at her school, she went for Obama. And Obama did win the mock election.
Chong Lim is predictably a Republican. He is a free market advocate though he does not support the conservative agenda of the religious right. But there is only one legal vote to cast, and it was cast by an Independent voter, me. I voted for hope that we will see a change in the way we look at this country and the way we look into the future, and made my choice. I did not go gaga over him, though I am moved by his words, his story, and the person that he seems to be. Whatever the outcome of the election, history has been made and was being made.
I am embedding this video to mark an election that delightfully surprised me, not because a black man won the election, but because I witnessed my mother, sisters, and nieces in Washington state become actively involved in the political process, and be among the millions of voters who got caught in the Obamamania wave for hope and change. Especially my mom. She was awake at 3 a.m. in anticipation of Obama's presidential inauguration, 5.5 hours ahead of schedule. So, Mama, this is for you:
We've taken hundreds of pictures this year, and not one was a family picture. Fortunately, we remembered before 2008 ended and before Guama ask us for a new one. Oh, I just realized that this one will not work for Guama because of the picture's orientation. We'll try to take another one before Chinese New Year just for Guama. Say "cheese!"
Over the years, some friends had shot those looks at me, warning me NOT to do anything to give their children the idea that Santa may not be real. Yes, some people have lovingly placed me in the same category as the Grinch, someone who could potentially spoil Christmas. But really, all I wanted to do is to help my children live through the holiday season, and hopefully, enjoy it in the process.
When Melanie was four years old, life had to be in black or white. The "grey areas" felt intolerable to her. For instance, on Halloween, she could not bring herself to step outdoors. Just the thought of seeing people dressed in costumes freaked her out. She could not handle Ambiguity. And so, with Santa, she was doomed. She survived the last ten Christmases (and Halloween) because, when she was four years old, I calmly assured her that the Santa who climbs down chimneys with gifts is a make-believe Christmas character, and that ordinary people dress up in costumes on Halloween and in Santa suits on Christmas. My words served as the security blanket she held onto as she lived through the holiday season year after year. Armed with "the truth" about Santa, Melanie began to tell other children that Santa is not real, and almost spoiled Christmas for them, according to the parents of those children. My next conversation with Melanie had to be about respecting other people's beliefs when they differ from hers. She understood and aligned with the grown-ups to keep the truth about Santa a secret, sealing her vow with that I-know-what-you-mean, one-eye wink.
With Audrey, it is almost the same story, but not really. This Christmas marked the first time we spent Christmas Eve at our own home since Audrey turned three years old. At last, here was my chance to pursue an inquiry: Can a child of mine believe in Santa? So, after we've had our Christmas Eve dinner, I told Audrey that perhaps Santa will come to our house this year since we would be home. Audrey froze. She knew who I was talking about. No smile. Wasn't she singing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" over and over just the other night? Then a panic attack. "He's coming to our house? Waah!" Oh dear. The seven-year-old grandson of the Haights with whom we had Christmas Eve dinner, told her she has nothing to be scared about, and that Santa arrives only when the children are asleep. "And you should put out milk and cookies for Santa, and carrots for the reindeers," he advised. Audrey turned to me and whispered, "I don't want Santa to have a sleepover at our house." All the adults assured her that Santa does not stay for the night at people's houses because he has to bring presents to all the children in the world. Audrey looked anything but excited. She worried about it all the way home. She worried about it when she stepped into our house. She brushed her teeth, changed into her pajamas, and hopped into bed. I decided to reinforce the story of Christmas - that it is actually the celebration of Jesus' birthday. "Three kings from far away came to see him and gave Him presents when He was born. That is why we give and get presents on Christmas as a way to celebrate the birthday of Jesus." My attempt to justify gift-giving at Christmas time, as you can see. Then I read her an illustrated version of the poem, "The Night Before Christmas." I read parts of the foreword section, particularly the part that says that Clement Clarke Moore wrote the poem for his children and created the concept and image of Santa in a red suit with a round belly, rosy cheeks and a hearty laugh. I also told her that St. Nicholas and the three kings were real people who lived a long time ago, while Santa was just Moore's invention. She was very sleepy by now and flatly told me, "Just read the book, Mom." When I finished reading, she asked me to stay with her until she falls asleep (which is what I do every night anyway). And before she nodded off to slumberland, she said, "Mom, don't put out any milk and cookies and carrots." A strategic move, I thought. A guarantee of protection against the irreconcilable, worrisome thoughts. That night, I wrapped the things I bought for her and Melanie and put them on the table next to our fireplace where all the presents received from friends and family were placed (we do not have a tree). The next morning, I heard Audrey coming down the stairs while I was in the kitchen. She ran to me and exclaimed, "Mom, Santa did come. We have presents!" Later, after all the presents have been opened, she said to me, "Mom, I now know that Santa is real. Remember? We saw him." I remembered the Santa we saw several days before. No, it was not one of those Santas at the department store with whom children take pictures while sitting on their laps (I don't do those things with my children). It was a black man, dressed in a Santa suit, standing on a sidewalk in Boston, chatting with another man in street clothes. He waved at us as we passed him in my car. That experience, and the presents she found on Christmas morning, seems enough evidence that Santa is real. For now. So, yes, a child of mine actually says she believes in Santa.
Audrey is practical. She decided to make peace with the notion of Santa so that she can fully enjoy the occasion. She would rather spend time opening presents, relaxing, and having fun, than spend hours agonizing and trying to make sense of the mountain of information the world (which includes her mother) throws at her about Christmas and Santa. As for Melanie, she stayed true to herself all these years while letting others remain true to themselves. That's admirable. And no, I am not a Grinch. I may be rated by others as "low-key" when it comes to presents and festivities around Christmas time, but I am certainly not a Grinch. Till next Christmas...
P.S.-The picture attached to this post was taken in 2005 when Audrey was two and Melanie was ten years old. We also stayed home for Christmas Eve because Audrey had a heavy cold. No awareness of Santa back then.
I made a video using clips with Audrey dancing or showing off her "talent". It was really just an experiment, but Mom told me to upload it and show all of you. So here it is.
This year, we decided to send out our warm season's greetings to you via a short film clip we have especially put together for you. Melanie wrote and directed our family's 2008 Happy Holiday greetings, starring theGorgeousIntelligent Refreshing & LoudSweetie-pies of the Lim-Kim family: Melanie and Audrey, with me in a cameo role. As for Chong Lim, he was either taking a nap or working on his current software project, or foraging around the kitchen for something to eat while we were busy filming. I suspect that the lively sounds the girls make are soothing background noise to him.
The year 2008 was no ordinary year for our family, and it was not an extraordinary year either. Surely, some things could have been better, but there are many things going well for us, and for that, we are quite thankful.
For one thing, Chong Lim seems happy in his job of ten months with Intuit, makers of Turbo Tax and Quickbook. Often, he sounds like a very motivated and inspired "graduate student," coming home to tell his children about the wonderful things he has uncovered about Flex programming, and beaming from ear to ear when he received recognition for projects he worked on. He is much more relaxed about things in general, even if he still sleeps very late. His occasional sidekick, Audrey, relishes the times they do Math problems. "Audrey, what is 100 + 1?" "101." "What is 1,000 + 1?" "1001." "What is 1,000,000 + 1?" "1,000,001." "Audrey, you're the only five year old who can add in the millions!" Yeah, right, but they are both beaming and having fun, and that is what counts. As for Melanie, he is her occasional driver. He takes her to her soccer games, and picks her up from practices. He brought her to and from most of the bat mitzvahs she attended. He offers to go to the movies with her, and gets gently rejected from time to time. He insists on turning off the television when we have our Saturday dinners and attempts to have a family conversation. "So, what do you think about the plan to bail out the Big Three carmakers?" One mostly hears responses in the form of groans and silence. Maybe Hunter can give him a pointer or two about raising (teenage) daughters. That brings me to the second thing we are thankful for: Melanie.
Melanie is now in 8th grade and a full-fledged teenager. The previous director of middle school in the school where I teach had this saying displayed on the wall outside her office: "Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to the wall." I can attest to its truthfulness (and so can many of you who had or have teenagers to raise, I suppose). Like many teenagers, she has her "d-uh" moments as well as proud ones. She can be an interested participant one moment and an indifferent one the next. How many times do I have to repeat what I say before she moves her adult-size body? She has a maturing sense of humor, sleeps late and wakes up close to noontime if I let her. She likes watching "Fraser," "How I Met Your Mother," "Two-and-a-Half Men," and "Saturday Night Live." Frequently, she shuffles over to where I am with outstretched arms (or not) and lays her entire body weight on me. "Hug-gy, Mommy," she says in her baby voice. Though I do not think I ever subjected my parents to bear my entire body weight when I was her age, I do see her doing a lot of things I used to do. She surrounds herself with friends she has known since elementary school, continues to make new friends based on mutual interests, explores the visual arts in multiple ways, and includes music in her life. Technology is pretty much what makes her current life fundamentally different from mine when I was her age. And in many ways, she is just as aggressive (moderately so) as I was in pursuing her passions. She takes interesting photographs and likes to tinker with graphic designs on the computer. She and two friends have a website which they maintain, and they also host sites to others. She sings in the school chorus, plays the flute in the school band, and continues to take piano lessons. She is no prodigy. She is a hobbyist-musician without any nerves for solo performances, not even in piano recitals conducted at her piano teacher's home in front of a small audience comprised of families whose children also take piano lessons with the teacher. I think there is the performer and communicator in her waiting to be born. I will leave that up to her. For now, I am happy she is beginning to show others who she is, and is more willing to get her feet wet and explore possibilities. In the summer of 2008, she spent almost a month in Chicago, learning from Mallory and her friends, Nikki, Tank, and Chris, and growing her confidence under the watchful eyes of her 4-ee, 4-ee-tiu, and Guama. She flew back to Boston by herself for the first time, and that was a big step. And how about Chong Lim in her life? He serves as the "reality check" from time to time, reminding all of us about life in the "real world" as defined by him. And so, the threat of enrolling her in the Russian Math school provides enough motivation for her to pay attention to her Math homework and grades. Chong Lim serves as Melanie's practice encounter with the real world, while Melanie serves as Chong Lim's teacher in the art and science of parenting (I, of course, serve as their clinical supervisor). And God knows, Chong Lim will need to have lots and lots of skills and knowledge in that area when he has to deal with Audrey.
We are thankful that Audrey has escaped unhurt in all the adventures she embarked this year. All seven beads she had stuck into her nose came out through repetitive, strong blowing with her nose without damaging her ability to detect smell. The bean she inserted in her ears succumbed to the pull of gravity and slipped out by itself, leaving her ear canal and drums the way they were prior to its intrusion. The fish flakes and pebble she consumed by mouth seemed to have been eliminated from her body through the other hole where larger waste matter comes out. No visits to the emergency room, thank God. And a solemn, sincere promise from Audrey that she will never ever do anything like these again brings peace to our minds and hearts, for the moment. As her fellow Ram, Beta, explained, "Audrey is just a curious, smart kid who has strong survival instincts and skills." If she grows up in the footsteps of her 2-ee, we will have few reasons to worry and complain about. At the rate she is going, she is well on her way. She likes to be in-charge of people, things, and events. Yet, she is empathetic, sensitive to the needs of others, and generous with her resources, time, and attention. That is why she gets a good report from her teachers. Audrey has strong survival instincts all right. She makes sure she is heard. She has a loud, expressive conversational voice, a louder and emphatic tone when she wants something right now, an even louder and more dramatic voice when she feels upset, and an ear-splitting whine when she does not like the way things are going. She makes us laugh, sometimes at her expense, and off she goes under the table or far away with a large pout and arms across her chest. Truly dramatic. On good days, which is most of the days in her life so far, she is a happy, lively child, eager for attention, generous with her embraces and declarations like, "You're the best mom." She is there when I need a hug and a soulful companion. She sings and dances with me when I feel like it. She makes statements and expresses sentiments that sound just like my own. She reminds me to look at life as half full rather than half empty. She is doing what she was meant to do for our family: add a lot of spice and zing to our lives. To Melanie, she might be an annoying sister sometimes, but most of the time, they do what siblings do to and with each other. The most important thing is that Audrey allows Melanie to be a kid, grappling with her own needs and wants, and being childish in her responses from time to time. To Chong Lim, Audrey is his hope for an "almost CL clone," i.e., to be more like him. They already share many similar food preferences, e.g., chocolate and smoked salmon, and they both turn to me to meet their every need. Hmmm... But she is the one who is his reality check. Sometimes, she calls him at work to tell him she misses him and to ask what time he would come home. She gets mad at him when he calls her names, e.g., "Curious George." She cuddles up to him when a scene in the movie felt scary. She dances while Chong Lim plays the piano. She even requests him to play specific songs to his utter delight. She allows Chong Lim to relax and engage in activities that are "not productive." Audrey IS a ham, as you all can see. I hope her "ham-ness" and passion for living will never fade away, but rather, continue to grow and deepen.
As for me, I did more cooking this year than I have ever done in all my life, and I am starting to enjoy the process and results. I still do it largely because I have to, and it is not a painfully frustrating activity anymore. I discovered that I can make edible soups, cakes, muffins, and breads. Technology, especially the internet, has made cooking easier and less stressful for me because I can get answers to questions and snags I encounter while in the process of cooking without calling someone on the phone and revealing my ignorance and lack of skill. Cooking can still become an activity that de-stresses me, and I think it is beginning to become just that, along with washing dishes by hand, especially when there is so much to think about as my children and I grow older and the world becomes even more complex. Life did get stressful during parts of this year. Some of it is my own doing, and some of it not. Still, I think I have gotten over the biggest hump - me and my worrying. This blog is good for me because it provides a way for me to express and reflect on what is in my mind and heart. It allows me to feel connected with myself and with others who matter to me.
With that, I would like to sayThank You, and hope that the circle of love between all of us remain linked and grow stronger over time. That is what will sustain all of us, all our children, now and into the exciting and uncertain future. God bless all of us.
We had about 14 to 16 inches of snow yesterday at the end of the snowstorm that started Friday afternoon. And snow was still falling all of Saturday! It was the first time the whole family went out to shovel snow off our driveway, walkway, and sidewalk, and to sweep and scrape snow and ice off our cars. The photo you see on the left is my Honda CRV getting covered by snow. Audrey made a snow angel after she was declared a distraction by her dad and sister.
Today, Sunday, snow fell the whole morning, as the second snowstorm approaches. Icy rain is the forecast for this afternoon when the storm hits. Icicles have already formed around our house - on windows, the wood shingles, and hanging from the gutters. We woke up to a leaking ceiling (uh-huh) in our dining/kitchen area. Apparently, water from the outdoors is finding its way to our house. That is the trouble with older houses. Sigh* Anyway, we can do nothing about it right now. We will have to wait until spring or when all the snow has melted away.
I cooked pork lugao yesterday. Melanie was thrilled. She had plenty of yummy Cantonese-style jook with her Toisanese sitter, and so lugao is a comfort food for her. As for Audrey, I had to ask her whether or not she is Chinese before she dipped her spoon into her bowl to take the first mouthful. I think I just have to make it more often. For tonight's dinner, I am planning on making butternut squash soup and broil pork chops. Here is a snippet of the falling snow (must have a total of at least two feet of snow by now) and a usual achi-siobe interaction.
I think snow is important because when you water plants it's really hard work. So I think snow is good for your plants. Snow can melt into water and plants need water. So when you put snow near your plants, and it gets so hot, when it is summer, it will melt into water and the water will get inside the soil of your plants and it will grow. So remember when it is winter in the world, or in your village or home, when it gets to be winter, put snow near your plants. Again, snow can melt into water. When it gets too hot it goes in the summer and it will melt and it will go into the soil and make your plants grow. That's why I think ice and snow is important.
