Family Traditions & Holidays

How important are family traditions? I think traditions help build the character of a family unit and keep a family together. Having some constancy and predictability can keep a family grounded on what is important and serve as an anchor, especially in times of turmoil and challenges. They can help make the family strong. Traditions can serve as a spring board to other family activities that add a few more stitches to family togetherness. I have built a strong case for family traditions. But the real question swimming in my head is, "Does my family, the one Chong Lim and I are raising together, have clear-cut family traditions?"

That is not easy to answer because Chong Lim and I experienced different family traditions while growing up, and when placed together as parents under one home, we tend not to be bound by the traditions with which we grew up. In short, we are neither here nor there. Thank goodness we have children who accept life as they experience it.

But to answer my own question, I will try to generate a list of Lim-Kim Family Traditions:

1. Christmas & New Year Tradition 1: We decorate the house - just a modest effort - striving for simplicity and meaning. Read and/or retell the story of Christmas.

Ever since we moved to our current home, I think we have at least some Christmas decorations. We use the same decorations (mostly ornaments and garlands) and arrange them differently each year. This year, we have a small, fake Christmas tree (14 inches tall). This must be the second tree we have ever bought and decorated. Audrey was so excited to see this small tree. She hugged me and said I was the best mom or something like that. Perhaps, we will start having a small tree every year.

As for the story, I have a book or two on the birth of Jesus. This year, I retold the story of Jesus to Audrey (Melanie was listening from where she was) in my own words.

2. Christmas & New Year Tradition 2: We spend Christmas Eve with a family friend. We also spent New Year's Eve with a family friend when in town.

We often spend Christmas with the Haight's and New Year with the Fang's. We get presents for the kids. We remind our children to keep their opinion about Santa to themselves when in the company of children who believe in Santa.

3. Christmas & New Year Tradition 3: Family News Sharing and Greeting. Capturing family members and family moments in film.

Audrey seems to associate movie-making as part of our family Christmas tradition. We made three short movies of Audrey's first experience building snow people and dog. Parts 2 and 3 are attached to the blog entry entitled "Warm Holiday Greetings" while Part 1 is posted here. We hope you will enjoy them as much as we enjoy filming and putting them together. I am wondering if this will change once she gets older. Melanie tends to be behind the camera and not in front of it. I enjoy this process and will likely continue doing it. Will hunt for willing subjects and catch unwilling ones by surprise. Ha!

4. Birthday Tradition: We bake a birthday cake from scratch or from the box.

Imagine that - Lynne May baking a cake! Who knew? I also buy one balloon for the birthday child. Teenagers do not necessarily reject the idea of a birthday balloon.

Deep in our hearts, my children and I wish we are physically closer to our immediate relatives. Our teenager seeks a "fun-er" crowd than what we have at home. That is totally understandable. But it is because of my two children's response to the Christmas season this year that made me wonder about the family traditions that we have or do not have. Especially the older one. I wanted to teach Audrey some of the Christmas carols I know. I ended up playing with her more than singing with her. We both had fun though. Melanie is in a school chorus and her involvement in caroling at school has heightened her interest in Christmas songs. So I am hopeful that there will be more singing in years to come. Maybe another Christmas and New Year tradition in the making.

Finally, how about adding another family tradition: Plan to have a plan for the holidays! I like spontaneity, but sometimes having a plan can help some family members look forward to having fun (or not), especially the family member who prefers to be with "fun-er" people. So, we might have a plan of getting out of the house with the family -- but wait, a storm is coming our way. Oh well, I guess we could plan on building a new set of snow people and animals.

Warm Holiday Greetings

It began with a small snow ball in Lynne May's hands. "Want to make a snow man?" The small snowball grew as Lynne May rolled it in the snow.

Inspired, Audrey formed her own snowball. Three hours, two baseball caps, four strands of pine needles, four acorns, two small rocks, two carrots, one slice of red bell pepper, one red lid from a seasoning container, three pieces of tree bark, four branches, and one scarf later, one snow-teen, one snow-kid, and a snow dog emerged.

Audrey experienced the joys of childhood, the uplifting spirit of the season, and breathed in lots of fresh, energizing wintry air. In the process, she has given to Lynne May the best gift she could possibly receive this season, i.e., the rekindling of the Christmas spirit she had experienced as a child.

Melanie, our teenager who was song-surfing on the net, made a brief appearance in her holiday plaid jacket and PJ fashion combo. Chong Lim bundled up and snored away in dreamland. T'was a stress-free Christmas morning.

WARM GREETINGS from the Kim Family in Boston!

Response to the You Are 50 Family Video

**** THE LATEST AND FINAL AUDREY VERSION OF MAD WORLD -  WE PROMISE NOT TO REVISE IT ANYMORE. ****

I am deeply touched that my sisters, nieces, nephews, and my mother put their hearts and soul, time and energy to produce a family song and dance video to drive home the point that I have turned fifty years old, marking half a century of being on earth, and of belonging to this will-do-anything-to-make-you-feel-loved family. 

Never mind that they kept reminding me that I am getting there in years -- that is what sisters are for really - to keep one rooted to reality. I can bravely face my imperfections, humanity, and yes, my mortality, because I know that they will always be there for me, cheering me on, embracing me with their love, and encouraging me to be unafraid of challenges. 

The thing is, my sisters took the big, risky step of committing their creativity, singing and dancing skills to eternity in the family archives, to be viewed and analyzed by the current generation and by the many generations to come. Joji, if the video is leaked to the rest of the world, just know that I have nothing to do with it.

My own hysterical reaction to their hard work tells how effectively they have surprised and delighted me. There was only one casualty in this song-and-dance assault - Audrey, my 5-and-3/4 years old daughter. All along, she thought I turned 29 years old this year. Her reasoning? "Because you were 28 years old last year." I did not plant that idea in her head. She just thought that to be accurate and true based on her current age-appropriate understanding of numbers as they relate to the concept of time. I had not bothered to correct her because she was so sure of herself, and can be very dramatic about making mistakes. I thought I could spare her the trauma, but alas...

...The family video jarred her perfect world. That night, as she watched the video, she was horrified. "Why did they say 50? You are 29!" Then, confusion set in. "How old are you really?" I was laughing so hard at what I was witnessing on the TV screen that I could not answer her question. The next morning, both of us, sleep deprived and all, faced that question again. I finally told her the truth. She cried. She felt very disappointed. "Why didn't you tell me the truth?" She asked. It took her a few hours to feel better. To bring closure to this matter, we made a special song for all of us, most especially for Audrey who was affected the most by my turning 50. (Note: We decided to use the song, Mad World, to memorialize our support for Adam Lambert as the next American Idol. FYI, we were not heart broken that Kris won instead. We are OK with the outcome.)

Once again, I thank you, my family, from the bottom of my heart. The video you made was totally unexpected and totally awesome. It truly is THE way to commemorate my milestone, and to remind me that LIFE IS GOOD. I love you all very very very much!

Pajama Band Debut: The Lonely Bull

We dedicate this to one of the world's top Mom and the one and only Guama we know who can still get down and boogie with the Awimbaway Song and Dance Troupe.

Reaction Video

Video of Lynne May's (my mother) reaction to 50th birthday DVD.

Audrey's videos

This is the first published video of many videos that Audrey has made. We hope you enjoy the many characters, including Mr. Remote Control!

Why Reading is Cool!

I can read even if I am little. I am five years old but I am learning to read. Now I can read. It feels really good. Now I can read a book that has a number one (she means the level one I Can Read books). It really is easy. Trust me. If you don't believe me, just go to the library.

- Audrey

It is a joyful and proud moment when one's child is beginning to read on her/his own. From my perspective, Audrey's foray into reading highlights her expanding independence from me as well as our continuing interdependence. It presents new opportunities for her to know more about the world in which she lives, and to be an active participant in it. She can begin accessing information on her own. The ways she can be helpful is also (theoretically) increasing. 

On my end as her parent, this milestone challenges me to find new ways to support her growth and development. At the same time, it is a moment when my hopes fly high - Can I finally be liberated from doing some things for her? Can I now finally truly begin to do some new things with her? Can I now begin to stand back and watch her handle more things on her own and offer guidance and support when needed or sought? Can I now gradually begin to do things I want to do for myself?

I sometimes tell Audrey to read to herself at bedtime while I finish washing the dishes. To her delight, we occasionally choral read or do a dramatic reading of a story together (e.g., taking on characters in the story). Sometimes I ask her to read the tiny prints on bottles and boxes that my aging eyes are no longer able to read without the help of eyeglasses. She asks me what certain words mean as she comes across them on food labels and everywhere else, and how to spell words the conventional way. She reads signs on the roads and keeps herself entertained and useful. "Speed limit 45, Mom." She is beginning to do and make things for herself, like pancakes for breakfast on Saturday morning. I am grateful for good recipes printed on the back of boxes!

She still needs to hold my hand as she falls asleep. I still help her dry off after bathing. She needs her cuddles and tickles. She needs me to educate her about what is safe and not, and why that is so. Audrey needs to try things out for herself and make mistakes, no matter how many times she will do the same thing and make the same mistakes. That is how she learns and grows stronger in mind and heart. She went through the same process while learning to read. Reading feels liberating to new readers and to the adults who had guided them in the process. That is my and Audrey's experience. This is a new partnership, a new chapter in our continuing journey together.

There goes Lynne May and her dramatic proclamations, one might observe. I do speak from my heart. When Melanie started reading on her own at age four, I felt joyful and proud. But the impact of that event on me was different then, simply because I was at a very different stage in my own life as an individual, a mother, a teacher, and a woman. That event took place nine years ago, when I just entered the 40's. Now I am about to mark half a century of being on this planet. The urge to do something substantial, and to define what that can be, is strong. I keep my eyes trained on my children, and always will. As I do that, I also see the world around them and everything that is in it, including my own fingerprints and the empty spaces.

I filmed Audrey making her own blueberry pancakes. This was her third time making pancakes straight from the box. This is not her first time being filmed, talking to her audience, sounding like one of those people on How-To television programs. I know she will be an avid reader just like her sister. I hope she will be a better and more enthusiastic cook than I am. Maybe she will begin making our dinner when she is in first grade.

- LM