To Marinel, A Really Good Friend

Dear friend
My best one
You asked nothing in return
Affected me and others
With your
Humanity
Generosity
Zest for living, and
Love, pure and simple

You held
Gently
With honest interest
Stories
Thinking
Dreams
As they surfaced from my soul

A part of me just died with you

Mother Nature mourns with me
As her tears drip down
And arms of clouds hover over
Where I sit talking to you

Goodbye

Dear friend
Meet me in my dreams
Join my spirit
As I ponder what lies ahead

Raising Teenagers

Been away from this blog for a while. A lot has happened. But what occupies my Mommy mind is my teenager. Oh, Melanie is really an angel, not giving me any problem, only some typical teenager stuff once in a while. I am trying to figure out how to be a mother of a teenager.

Melanie seems to be enjoying high school. She is discovering so many things about herself and others. She has friends whom she has had since her elementary days, as well as new friends she has made this year - both girls and boys. I think she shows a very positive attitude towards herself and her peers, and she seems to be liked by several peers. She is level-headed; her friends are just like her - responsible, attentive to their school work, and interested in many things, especially the Japanese anime.

Melanie is also becoming more assertive towards CL and me about the things she likes and wants to do with her friends. And that is where I am currently being tested. What does a mom do when her daughter tells her she wants to spend time with her peers, e.g., "After the play is over, I want to hang out with my friends until 12 midnight. Can I?" The very first test came a few nights ago. She is a techie, i.e., she builds sets and props for stage plays, and she is also a stage hand. Just two nights ago, the school staged a play in which she is a stage hand. The play ended around 9 pm. She called and said that it is a tradition to have a casting party after the first performance, and that it is the tradition to go to Ihop for that. My initial response was, "No, it is school night. She should come home." She pleaded and said she would like to go. I asked how she was getting to Ihop and what time she will be finished. She did not know. I told her to find out and call me back. I added, "I do not want you to be in a car driven by a teenager." And, "Which Ihop are they going to?"

A few minutes later, she called and told me that they might get to Ihop at around 10 and end closer to 11:30 pm, and that the Ihop is the one that is about 15 minutes away. I said forget it. She insisted and said that her friend's mom would bring them to Ihop, and asked if I could bring them home. I then said No again, and that she cannot spring matters like this at me and her dad on the spot. Then she said that logistical plans were not made prior to tonight, but that it is the tradition. Of course, in my mind, I understood that this matter is typical of the way teenagers think and do things. I said that I understand how she feels and told her my position and reasons. I told her to call her dad and talk to him about this matter to see what he says. She grudgingly did but did not get through to him. "Dad should get a cellphone," she said. After a few minutes she called back and said that her friend could not get hold of her mother and so Ihop is off.

But there was another problem. Her friend thought that her mom was supposed to pick them up, but now she could not get in touch with her mom. Audrey was asleep and I could not just leave her at home to go pick her up. They would have to wait for CL to come home.

Finally, CL came home. I told him quickly what was happening. He went to pick up Melanie and her friend. When Melanie came home, we had a talk. She went over why she wanted to go to the cast party. I told her again my position about school nights and teenagers behind the wheel. We brought CL into the conversation. He and I shared the same stance. She wanted to know why I would not let her ride in a car driven by a teenager. "And what if I was the one who was driving?" She added. I told her that she would not be driving any car at age 14, that I would not know the person behind the wheel, and that I believe that teenagers are not mature enough to be responsible for others. I told her that I may be coming across as protective, but "I have only one Melanie. I want to minimize the risk." I think that did it for her.

This matter will come up again in the near future. I think she knows me well enough not to push my buttons, and I know her well enough not to do the same. I have a very good relationship with her. I want to give her enough room to grow and develop as freely as she can, and at the same time, I want to keep her safe. As I have mentioned in past writing, "Raising teenagers is like nailing jello to the wall" is a statement, an advice, I will never forget. I am figuring out what it is I can do to prevent that jello from hitting the ground or some hard surface, for it would smash and splatter into pieces when it does. A delicate balance, parenting is.

Customized Cellphone Ringtones, Anyone?

A great holiday gift to chase the blues and frost away!

Brainchild of the innovative entrepreneur, J. L. Tan-Jaiphen, this affordable, one-of-a-kind customized cellphone ringtones promise to make your day everyday every time you get a call.

How affordable is it? A sushi meal or a plush stuffed animal will get you premium service.

Call to place your order. Here it is:

Family Traditions & Holidays

How important are family traditions? I think traditions help build the character of a family unit and keep a family together. Having some constancy and predictability can keep a family grounded on what is important and serve as an anchor, especially in times of turmoil and challenges. They can help make the family strong. Traditions can serve as a spring board to other family activities that add a few more stitches to family togetherness. I have built a strong case for family traditions. But the real question swimming in my head is, "Does my family, the one Chong Lim and I are raising together, have clear-cut family traditions?"

That is not easy to answer because Chong Lim and I experienced different family traditions while growing up, and when placed together as parents under one home, we tend not to be bound by the traditions with which we grew up. In short, we are neither here nor there. Thank goodness we have children who accept life as they experience it.

But to answer my own question, I will try to generate a list of Lim-Kim Family Traditions:

1. Christmas & New Year Tradition 1: We decorate the house - just a modest effort - striving for simplicity and meaning. Read and/or retell the story of Christmas.

Ever since we moved to our current home, I think we have at least some Christmas decorations. We use the same decorations (mostly ornaments and garlands) and arrange them differently each year. This year, we have a small, fake Christmas tree (14 inches tall). This must be the second tree we have ever bought and decorated. Audrey was so excited to see this small tree. She hugged me and said I was the best mom or something like that. Perhaps, we will start having a small tree every year.

As for the story, I have a book or two on the birth of Jesus. This year, I retold the story of Jesus to Audrey (Melanie was listening from where she was) in my own words.

2. Christmas & New Year Tradition 2: We spend Christmas Eve with a family friend. We also spent New Year's Eve with a family friend when in town.

We often spend Christmas with the Haight's and New Year with the Fang's. We get presents for the kids. We remind our children to keep their opinion about Santa to themselves when in the company of children who believe in Santa.

3. Christmas & New Year Tradition 3: Family News Sharing and Greeting. Capturing family members and family moments in film.

Audrey seems to associate movie-making as part of our family Christmas tradition. We made three short movies of Audrey's first experience building snow people and dog. Parts 2 and 3 are attached to the blog entry entitled "Warm Holiday Greetings" while Part 1 is posted here. We hope you will enjoy them as much as we enjoy filming and putting them together. I am wondering if this will change once she gets older. Melanie tends to be behind the camera and not in front of it. I enjoy this process and will likely continue doing it. Will hunt for willing subjects and catch unwilling ones by surprise. Ha!

4. Birthday Tradition: We bake a birthday cake from scratch or from the box.

Imagine that - Lynne May baking a cake! Who knew? I also buy one balloon for the birthday child. Teenagers do not necessarily reject the idea of a birthday balloon.

Deep in our hearts, my children and I wish we are physically closer to our immediate relatives. Our teenager seeks a "fun-er" crowd than what we have at home. That is totally understandable. But it is because of my two children's response to the Christmas season this year that made me wonder about the family traditions that we have or do not have. Especially the older one. I wanted to teach Audrey some of the Christmas carols I know. I ended up playing with her more than singing with her. We both had fun though. Melanie is in a school chorus and her involvement in caroling at school has heightened her interest in Christmas songs. So I am hopeful that there will be more singing in years to come. Maybe another Christmas and New Year tradition in the making.

Finally, how about adding another family tradition: Plan to have a plan for the holidays! I like spontaneity, but sometimes having a plan can help some family members look forward to having fun (or not), especially the family member who prefers to be with "fun-er" people. So, we might have a plan of getting out of the house with the family -- but wait, a storm is coming our way. Oh well, I guess we could plan on building a new set of snow people and animals.

Warm Holiday Greetings

It began with a small snow ball in Lynne May's hands. "Want to make a snow man?" The small snowball grew as Lynne May rolled it in the snow.

Inspired, Audrey formed her own snowball. Three hours, two baseball caps, four strands of pine needles, four acorns, two small rocks, two carrots, one slice of red bell pepper, one red lid from a seasoning container, three pieces of tree bark, four branches, and one scarf later, one snow-teen, one snow-kid, and a snow dog emerged.

Audrey experienced the joys of childhood, the uplifting spirit of the season, and breathed in lots of fresh, energizing wintry air. In the process, she has given to Lynne May the best gift she could possibly receive this season, i.e., the rekindling of the Christmas spirit she had experienced as a child.

Melanie, our teenager who was song-surfing on the net, made a brief appearance in her holiday plaid jacket and PJ fashion combo. Chong Lim bundled up and snored away in dreamland. T'was a stress-free Christmas morning.

WARM GREETINGS from the Kim Family in Boston!

Response to the You Are 50 Family Video

**** THE LATEST AND FINAL AUDREY VERSION OF MAD WORLD -  WE PROMISE NOT TO REVISE IT ANYMORE. ****

I am deeply touched that my sisters, nieces, nephews, and my mother put their hearts and soul, time and energy to produce a family song and dance video to drive home the point that I have turned fifty years old, marking half a century of being on earth, and of belonging to this will-do-anything-to-make-you-feel-loved family. 

Never mind that they kept reminding me that I am getting there in years -- that is what sisters are for really - to keep one rooted to reality. I can bravely face my imperfections, humanity, and yes, my mortality, because I know that they will always be there for me, cheering me on, embracing me with their love, and encouraging me to be unafraid of challenges. 

The thing is, my sisters took the big, risky step of committing their creativity, singing and dancing skills to eternity in the family archives, to be viewed and analyzed by the current generation and by the many generations to come. Joji, if the video is leaked to the rest of the world, just know that I have nothing to do with it.

My own hysterical reaction to their hard work tells how effectively they have surprised and delighted me. There was only one casualty in this song-and-dance assault - Audrey, my 5-and-3/4 years old daughter. All along, she thought I turned 29 years old this year. Her reasoning? "Because you were 28 years old last year." I did not plant that idea in her head. She just thought that to be accurate and true based on her current age-appropriate understanding of numbers as they relate to the concept of time. I had not bothered to correct her because she was so sure of herself, and can be very dramatic about making mistakes. I thought I could spare her the trauma, but alas...

...The family video jarred her perfect world. That night, as she watched the video, she was horrified. "Why did they say 50? You are 29!" Then, confusion set in. "How old are you really?" I was laughing so hard at what I was witnessing on the TV screen that I could not answer her question. The next morning, both of us, sleep deprived and all, faced that question again. I finally told her the truth. She cried. She felt very disappointed. "Why didn't you tell me the truth?" She asked. It took her a few hours to feel better. To bring closure to this matter, we made a special song for all of us, most especially for Audrey who was affected the most by my turning 50. (Note: We decided to use the song, Mad World, to memorialize our support for Adam Lambert as the next American Idol. FYI, we were not heart broken that Kris won instead. We are OK with the outcome.)

Once again, I thank you, my family, from the bottom of my heart. The video you made was totally unexpected and totally awesome. It truly is THE way to commemorate my milestone, and to remind me that LIFE IS GOOD. I love you all very very very much!

Pajama Band Debut: The Lonely Bull

We dedicate this to one of the world's top Mom and the one and only Guama we know who can still get down and boogie with the Awimbaway Song and Dance Troupe.